What to do during perimenopause: Part Two (Hobbies)
In this series, we will utilize female wisdom from cultures and other intersectionalities and the wisdom from female issues to discuss finding your version of healthy and claiming your power during perimenopause. We will discuss topics such as hobbies, health, nutrition, and so much more. I am a licensed marriage and family therapist, trained in systemic thinking, and I am here to promote empowered thinking toward perimenopause and females as well as insight into how systems have played into what we think we know about females. Because of my education, this podcast will be different from other podcasts about perimenopause. While other podcasts will focus on medications, hormones, and other medical terms, this podcast will stay focused on the systemic lens. I hope you will join me on this journey and add your insights to the comments.
Note: This series will cater toward females (trans women, biological females, women of all ethnicities, disabled women, cisgender women, single/in a relationship) and people in their circles seeking to be a support.
Transcript:
Hi, I’m Katherine Linscott. Welcome to our first official episode of the What To Do During Perimenopause Podcast. Last time I discussed what to expect from this podcast and today we will dive into hobbies.
What comes to your mind when you think of hobbies? Do you think of Olympians, your children, what your partner does, or those creative crazies that do super cool stuff? Do you come to your own mind? If you don’t come to your own mind, you’re not alone.
This podcast will be based on research and health without becoming a scholarly article - heaven knows I’ve read too many of those - so, without being too dry, let’s talk about why hobbies are vital.
In Internal Family Systems, we talk a lot about parts. When we are born, we are basically a cluster of parts that are full of curiosity and vulnerability. At birth, our journey begins of discovering who, exactly, we are. What do we believe? What do we work for? Who do we want to be? Who belongs in our tribe? What music gives us the chills? Hobbies can teach us who we are, how we connect to the planet, and what our identities are. Hobbies fall under the self-care umbrella.
Self-care is pretty much anything that connects you to yourself and Nature without distracting or dissociating or numbing you. While we generally think of self-care as relaxing and only to be used when we are burned out in white society (spas, massages, meditation), self-care can be energetic and a daily experience as well (dancing, singing, etc.) - this is the kind of self-care we find in collective cultures like in Oceania, Africa, some places in Eastern Asia, and throughout Latin America.
Speaking of collective cultures, these are cultures that focus on the group. Opposite of this is an individualistic culture such as most Western societies where we find the majority focusing on the individual. Collective cultures provide many pockets of female wisdom around self-care and hobbies. Many have female groups that meet often or live with each other. Many dance and sing and grieve loudly and together, in the open. Many use tattoos, jewelry, hair, and clothes to find collective meaning around life, changes, and grief. In individualistic cultures, it is typical to hear people say how hard it is to find friends and communities to be a part of - after all, individualistic cultures do not cater toward community!
Research shows hobbies improve mental and physical health. So, what do we do for hobbies if we are a part of an individualistic culture? Have you ever gone through a period in your life of not utilizing your hobbies? Is that period of your life now? I know I have gone through times like this and, when I look back at those times, I see myself on autopilot, maybe cooking and cleaning too much, and trying to fit into whatever the majority’s values were.
Why is it important to talk about this during and after huge changes like perimenopause? Perimenopause is considered taboo with a few exceptions like Oprah and Drew Berrymore. Going through a loaded experience like perimenopause, surrounded by a majority that stays quiet about perimenopause creates secrets (one of the worse burdens a human can carry), shame, and shoves down emotions that can hurt your organs, joints, and other body parts.
After six years of infertility, my body was not doing good. I had been pregnant many times so I exited that chapter of my life with a lot of inflammation, pain, depression, and a lack of identity. I had already gotten myself through the schooling I needed and I knew I like the color green, but other than those things, I didn’t have a clue as to who I was anymore.
I didn’t realize how low I was until I read an article about a mountaineer who was famous back in the early 1900’s. Interested, I immediately ordered their biography and felt a part of me come alive again. I was raised in the mountains of Northern Colorado and hiking was a common activity for me growing up. After reading the biography, I hiked one day, overweight and out of shape but something felt different to me this time. I had been an athlete growing up and was conditioned to be competitive but hiking that day, alone, felt so connective to me. I kept getting out in the mountains every day because I found myself there. My legs remembered hiking and I craved coming alive. Hiking fleshed out a few health issues for me as well like asthma and pre-diabetes which I worked through and beat.
Once it got cold, hiking led me to swimming which led me to running, which led me to trail running, which ultimately led me to making “trail friends” (friends you see every day and wave at). The greatest gift I got from this hobby was learning more about how I connect. As therapists, many of us put so much care and thought into other people and forget/not believe we are just as important as other people. Hiking reminded me I am important too and remembering this has broken so many glass ceilings for me from something as big as being super comfortable being alone to something as fun as being the first to volunteer during karaoke. It also helped me feel more comfortable being a part of a group, talking to people wherever I was, and reconnecting.
As humans, we have so many ways to connect to this planet that hobbies can look like almost anything. I know someone who makes slime as a hobby. Another person I know loves the feeling of grass so much, they spend an hour barefoot on grass every day. Another person I know loves to drive and will plan a long road trip once a year. Calligraphy, baking, climbing trees, brushing hair, comedy, leather art, fixing up vehicles, anime, computers, learning languages. Once humans excelled at survival, humans learned to excel at finding things to do.
Why are hobbies vital during perimenopause? Perimenopause is a huge change! While it is an empowering shift, society has already labeled it a time of grief and losing power. One goes through many emotions and meanings during perimenopause, not to mention the shock that time flew by so quickly. During perimenopause is an important time to focus on hobbies to keep yourself grounded, connected, and interested in what life is offering you in the here-and-now. Getting lost in thoughts, being pushed away by family members, and losing your sense of self/identity are commonly brought up by my clients. Focusing on hobbies can keep you present and can create connection with yourself and others. Hobbies can help flesh out health issues, lead you to new friends, and give you something to be excited about.
Talking about hobbies wouldn’t be complete without talking about rest. Rest is equally as important and is equally as beneficial and vital when it comes to finding who we are and what we need. Especially during times of grief, body changes, and pain, rest keeps us cleansed and connected. Join me next time for an in-depth look into rest and what this can do for us in perimenopause.
[ID: Every female in perimenopause needs a good hair expert, active hobby, experiential psychotherapist, and friends. She needs all the advocates she can get that empower her to be her own greatest advocate. Quote by Katherine Linscott, LMFT. End ID]