What to do during perimenopause: Part Three (Rest)
In this series, we will utilize female wisdom from cultures and other intersectionalities and the wisdom from female issues to discuss finding your version of healthy and claiming your power during perimenopause. We will discuss topics such as hobbies, health, nutrition, and so much more. I am a licensed marriage and family therapist, trained in systemic thinking, and I am here to promote empowered thinking toward perimenopause and females as well as insight into how systems have played into what we think we know about females. Because of my education, this podcast will be different from other podcasts about perimenopause. While other podcasts will focus on medications, hormones, and other medical terms, this podcast will stay focused on the systemic lens. I hope you will join me on this journey and add your insights to the comments.
Note: This series will cater toward females (trans women, biological females, women of all ethnicities, disabled women, cisgender women, single/in a relationship) and people in their circles seeking to be a support.
Transcript:
Hi, I’m Katherine Linscott and welcome to the What To Do During Perimenopause Podcast. Last week we discussed hobbies and their importance during life changes such as perimenopause. Join me today as we discuss rest.
But before that, I have to vent. I was working on some SEO for my business the other day and googled “perimenopause”. Only 19 pages came up and it took until page 10 for me to see anything important related to perimenopause. Even Oprah’s resources for perimenopause didn’t show up until after page 10 (quick side note, here is an awesome website compiled by Oprah Daily titled “Your Complete Guide to Perimenopause”). There really aren’t many resources for perimenopause but I hope you won’t give up the fight. You deserve empowerment in perimenopause because it leads to amazing things that happen to your body and can lead to equally as amazing things in your life. Find the professionals that care! Google’s algorithm is constantly changing and way too complex for any perimenopause professional to figure out. We’re here, although, apparently, we’re not easy to find just by searching on the web. I wish it were easier.
Alright, on to rest. Oof. Rest. When I hear this word, there are several automatic quotes that come to my mind such as “No one has time for rest” and “No rest for the wicked”. Rest has been given a back seat in our society. Many clients I work with have a deeply ingrained narrative that rest is what we do only after everything is done…only, there will never be a time when everything is done…so rarely has there been a time for rest. These clients are usually exhausted, carrying varying handfuls of resentment, and “done”.
I asked this question about hobbies but I’m even more curious to hear your response to this question about rest: What do you think of when you think of rest? Sleep? Not doing anything? Laziness? Days off of work? Bed rest? All technically true but maybe we can redefine what rest is. According to Oxford Languages, “rest” and “at rest” were a bunch of things ranging from not moving to death to not being used or being taken out of something to being supported to the remainder of something to not being agitated and a few more. Interestingly, what most people automatically think of when they think of rest and how Oxford Languages defines rest are basically the same. Rest has been a very physical thing throughout history.
There are no conversations that wear me out more than the conversations I have with some people who have pre-defined certain generations based on the past. For instance, “millenials” being called the snowflake generation because “what hardship have they gone through?” and other viewpoints like “I can’t complain because it’s not like I fought in WW2 or witnessed the 1800’s.” The reason I have to explain this is because rest is very much influenced by society and history. “Idleness is of the devil” and the other handful of quotes that compare doing nothing to sinning has played a part in how we think of rest. History has led to a pattern of people saying “Well, so many people have it much worse than me.” This is opposite of the narrative I want you to have. Rest is not earned. Rest is not shameful. Rest is rest and you deserve it. Period. In whatever way you need and choose.
I’d like to introduce you to a lifestyle called the “pendulum” lifestyle. This is a mindset that I have lived by for three years now and I noticed a huge shift from individuality and competition to really getting to know myself and what I needed at the time. The pendulum lifestyle focuses on “ebb and flow” where nothing in life stays the same. Some days, you’ll feel like running the proverbial marathon. Other days, you’ll want a spinach salad. Some days, cake will be on the menu. Being productive. Taking more time to rest. Accepting that this is nature and life can take away the guilt and stress around having to be perfect and complete every day. I noticed the ability to listen to my instincts better and meet my own needs more consistently rather than go without.
Below, we’ll explore the 7 different types of rest and incorporate some of the pendulum lifestyle into our definitions. Please include more to the definitions in the comments to help all of us have more internal resources!
Social Rest
Utilizing the pendulum lifestyle, social rest can be a lot of things. Some of us feel cutoff socially and social rest can look like reconnecting. Others of us may need a break from social connecting and need to spend some time with ourselves.
Look at your social circle. Are these people your tribe? Are they just as emotionally intelligent as you? Are they complimentary of you? Do they believe in you? Finding a tribe like this can feel impossible but it can be done. Join a group near you. Group therapy is a great place to start!
Creative Rest
As a whole in our society, we do not creatively rest enough. I have way too many people in my office tell me creativity is what they do after all the necessary things are done. I disagree! Creativity is vital. We are creatures that long to create and our ability to create in incredible ways is literally what sets us apart from other primates. Let your inner wiring do what it longs to do. Just like animals with instincts to migrate, humans have just as strong instincts to create.
Spiritual Rest
Spiritual rest can have a large spectrum as well. Some of us need to take a break from contemplating spirituality while some of us could be more spiritual. This could look like meditating, yoga, lying in a relaxing position, listening to music that inspires us, and more.
Ask yourself, what speaks to you? What activity aligns with your parts? What makes you feel complete?
Mental Rest
I love mental rest. Are any of you like me and your brain is constantly going? I swear my brain is a sponge and wants to learn and learn and learn. It can be exhausting and so I make sure to have mental rest often. This means I have to turn off inspirational music, put books away, and give my hands something to do. For others, depending on your job and energy level, mental rest might look like reading or learning a new language. Playing games, creativity, doing projects around the home, and gentle movement are great ways to find mental rest.
Sensory Rest
Have you ever had a sensory-overload day? On days like this, my patience is thin and everything feels so loud and like such a big deal. Sensory rest is where we reduce the “noise” for our senses. Putting down your phone, pausing social media, blocking work calls for the night, blackout curtains, and ear plugs can be good places to start.
For some of us, sensory overload can be everyday. Setting larger boundaries to protect our safety can be really important. I think of boundaries like I think of a home. You are in the kitchen or in your bedroom and there are things and people around you. Setting a boundary can look like putting a person or thing on your front porch: they’re not invited inside but they can be close by. Other things or people are across the street. Some are in your living room and maybe one or two special people are allowed in the room with you. Set the boundaries that will protect your safety.
Emotional Rest
Emotional rest is so incredibly important. Being a part of a group can really cater toward this type of rest. If you live near a healthy-enough family, friend groups included, use them! Ask them to tell you what they love most about you. We need to feel emotionally safe in our tribes and know we won’t be shunned if we do something they disagree with. We need to know we don’t have to earn love but that love is freely given. Unfortunately, families like these are not always the case.
Emotional rest can also look like emoting. I’ve noticed karaoke has helped me emote when I need it. Yoga is a highly talked about form of emotional rest right now. Feeling your feels when they come up is not only rest but a super healthy habit to get into. Emotions need motion and motion is the body’s lotion so do some activity to emotionally rest! Jiu jitsu, dancing in a chair, walking, any of it.
I’m going to add humor here. Laughing is an amazing resource. Humor has also historically been used as a coping technique so don’t go that far but use humor as a resource to help in emotional rest. A good place to start is with comedians on YouTube that process perimenopause with humor.
Physical Rest
Perimenopause calls for greater emphasis on physical rest. Sleep and feeling good overall can be impossible. Gentle movement is also included in physical rest such as stretching, walking, yoga, and anything that feels gentle to your body.
In all of these types of rest, listening to your energy level and needs is vital. Especially during perimenopause, where our energy, brain fog, and amount of sleep are fluctuating, focus on what you need and what you can manage. I highly recommend checking out more about the pendulum lifestyle. You can start here with an article from Psychology Today.
Need help resting? I’ve compiled a list of professionals that can help. I will constantly be adding to this list. It has professionals located nationwide that have resources for sleep, perimenopause, and more. You can find this list on my “Resources for Perimenopause“ page.
Thank you for joining me today as we discussed rest. Next week, we will talk about embodiment. How do you embody your body? What does this look like during perimenopause? Until then.
[ID: Every female in perimenopause needs a good hair expert, active hobby, experiential psychotherapist, and friends. She needs all the advocates she can get that empower her to be her own greatest advocate. Quote by Katherine Linscott, LMFT. End ID]