What to do during perimenopause: Part Four (Embodiment)

In this series, we will utilize female wisdom from cultures and other intersectionalities and the wisdom from female issues to discuss finding your version of healthy and claiming your power during perimenopause. We will discuss topics such as hobbies, health, nutrition, and so much more. I am a licensed marriage and family therapist, trained in systemic thinking, and I am here to promote empowered thinking toward perimenopause and females as well as insight into how systems have played into what we think we know about females. Because of my education, this podcast will be different from other podcasts about perimenopause. While other podcasts will focus on medications, hormones, and other medical terms, this podcast will stay focused on the systemic lens. I hope you will join me on this journey and add your insights to the comments.

Note: This series will cater toward females (trans women, biological females, women of all ethnicities, disabled women, cisgender women, single/in a relationship) and people in their circles seeking to be a support.

Transcript:

Hello, welcome to the What To Do During Perimenopause Podcast. I’m Katherine Linscott and we’re already on part four to discuss embodiment today.

There’s a lot to talk about in embodiment and I’m even thinking there are some things we need to talk about before we get to embodiment today. The way we embody our bodies can be so complex in our digital, fast-paced world. This world is full of unspoken rules, spoken rules with devastating consequences, biases, powerful rich people with little perspective, and systems that keep money and corruption front and center. I’m talking about the foundation of our emotional world. We didn’t start the fire but it sure is burning viciously in this day and age.

Let’s look at two topics that play heavily into embodiment and then we’ll get to the topic of today.

Values

First pre-topic is values. In ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), values are heavily focused on. These are seen as guiding principles in our lives. Our values can change as we evolve and ultimately lead to fulfillment. This sucks because the values we had in our twenties and thirties might have made us make choices that we no longer agree with in our forties and fifties. Learning to live with that is a deeply uncomfortable place to be.

As we honor our values, we find a lot of meaning and purpose. I’ve noticed a lot lately that the chasm between our values and the values of the larger systems in our life (governments, etc.) have created a lot of angst for many of us. There are so many different variations of identities to choose from in this life. Depending on your values and belief systems, you might agree that this world has become a bit polarized around identities. Certain identities and values have kept the powerful’s world spinning round and around like heterosexuality, patriarchy, amatonormativity, cisgenderism, capitalism and communism, Abrahamic religions, being non-disabled and healthy is best, and more.

Some of these values don’t fit with many individuals. Because of this, it is harder for many to live authentically. For example, deaf children not having as many toys or media catering toward them. People living with disabilities trying to hold a full-time job to pay for medical bills without any compensation or accommodations. Women living with intense perimenopause symptoms with no access to medication that can actually help. No female anatomy pictures in doctor offices even though the female body is more complicated. Neurodivergent individuals that feel they don’t fit in at work. Minorities that are told by their boss that their coworker didn’t mean the microaggression and to not take things so seriously. So, so, so many examples.

Many of us would love to embody our bodies based on our values and how we choose. However, many things are waiting to hold us back.

Abilities

The second pre-topic is abilities. We discussed abilities only in passing so let’s talk a bit more about this. The non-tangible, spoken and unspoken foundation behind abilities has been heavily influenced by religion in past generations. Being disabled was commonly seen in the past as a product of sinning by the individual or by their family.

Honestly, this is still raging today although we hear less of doctors and professionals telling the patient it was because they sinned. We still hear toxic phrases like “What you put in is what you’ll get out” and “Just be kind and your life will turn out happy”. Please feel free to share more of these below!

What it comes down to is that being disabled is hidden in society. Common to how death is hidden in hospitals and the old are hidden in nursing homes, people who are disabled are commonly erased in life. We see disabled parking spots often but those are commonly abused and we don’t see enough ASL signs to help us communicate with people who are deaf, we don’t see enough ramps or braille books sold in common stores. We don’t see accommodations much for people with chronic pain or illness at their workplaces. People dealing with seizures are still up against bullies in public places who think their service dog is the dumbest thing ever. Childcare is way too expensive.

How can you embody your body when society upholds “abled” bodies?

Embodiment

So many people choose to embody their body by protesting, advocacy, and activism and it’s easy to see why. When we begin to or have always experienced something that does not fit in society, it can cause anger and more stress than is good for our health. Perimenopause is a huge shift that causes a lot of us to feel unseen, uncared for, and erased in public spaces. Add other identities such as race and ethnicity, abilities, and health, and your level of feeling this stress increases exponentially.

I feel so angry about this. As I have sat down and processed this anger, I’ve realized I’m not angry because perimenopause or any of these other identities are a thing. Perimenopause is actually a very powerful thing. The reason I’m angry is because the people who can change policies are usually abled, not in perimenopause/male, or privileged enough to be able to turn their head. I have continually been called a “bitch” or been seen as “reactive”. And it’s not just me. I’ve heard too many stories where disabled people were let go from their jobs because they asked for accommodations or where service dogs licenses were denied.

Embodiment used to be more pure before all this stuff clogged up our societies. Once upon a time, you were able to be “Two-Spirit”, have a tattoo special and unique to you that everyone knew about and celebrated, be associated with an animal that defined who you were, and more. There was more space to find your path and let that path and its meaning help you to fit in your tribe and embody your values.

This ample space ran out when “isms” began. Suddenly, women were no longer the hunters and could no more embody their physical strength when society cursed them to be “ladylike”. Suddenly, people were only their genitals and had to follow strict rules around clothing, annunciation, hair choices and other choices based on what genitals they hid in their clothing. Suddenly thriving in a tribe was turned into making a living and competing for homes and jobs. Embodiment went from being a second to second, day to day, constant thing to a “What do you want to do on Friday after work?” thing.

Perimenopause and Embodiment

I’m limited in my ability to include every value and ability. Here, I will focus on perimenopause and embodiment. However, if you have more identities that play into your life now, I encourage you to talk to your therapist so you can really process your identities and what will work best for you. We’re all different and we all deserve space to be different.

It is common for perimenopause to hit suddenly. Suddenly, you’re yelling and full of rage in front of your kids. Suddenly, you can’t sleep. Suddenly, thoughts and words are harder than ever before. Suddenly, everything is harder than it was before and no one gets it. It can be hard to stand by you when everyone else is scared of you or confused by the changes. Stand by you!

Now is the time to finally do what you have wanted to do. Perimenopause is so tangible but it is also such a symbolic time of “I need to focus more on me now”. Focusing on you might look different now than before. Maybe you are experiencing less sleep and so being physically active isn’t realistic. Maybe you are in more pain so sitting for long periods of time (like at a play or show) isn’t realistic. What is realistic to you?

Maybe there is a new cookbook that caters toward fighting inflammation that will get you excited. Maybe there is a trail close to your residence that you’ve been wanting to try. Or maybe your embodiment might look more like making homemade face masks with bananas and avocados and sitting down to read a book. Or maybe starting therapy to learn more about what makes you you is the next step.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is such a huge game changer with embodiment. This therapy focuses on the body and the mind and where your pain or grief is. The parts of us that hold onto these wounds are usually younger and would rather play or be adventurous but the burden keeps them stuck. Once these parts are unburdened, embodiment naturally comes. These parts laugh more, take us on adventures, love deeper, and feel more healthy.

I have worked with parts that, once free from panic or fear, took on more curiosity. This showed up in my clients lives in huge ways. Some changed the set up of their home and cleaned up stuff they had been holding onto. One started collecting rocks that held meaning for them. Some began studying other cultures and embodying movement that spoke to them. Paul Denniston was a huge game-changer for many of my clients. He has free resources on his website with chair yoga. You don’t have to be in shape and you don’t have to be pain free, or spend money. Grief chair yoga is a great place to start. Thank you, Paul!

As my clients began to act more with these healed parts, they became more authentic. Even in a polarized world, health and authenticity were found. I guess that’s the perk of living in a world with so many different things to offer :)

But maybe you aren’t there yet. Maybe you are still feeling like you don’t matter as much as the kids do. Maybe you still believe that you must sacrifice your peace and capacity to keep everyone else going. Maybe you aren’t planning on discovering you until all the kids are doing well or grown up. This is common too. But it doesn’t have to be.

This is known as self-silencing and it’s a doozy.

I’m here to tell you, you matter. You being taken care of means the world is taken care of. When women thrive, the world is a better place to be.

Thank you for joining me today. Next time we will talk about self-silencing and why it is so important to heal from self-silencing. Especially during perimenopause, healing from this can help you live a more authentic existence. You deserve you. Until next time.

[ID: Every female in perimenopause needs a good hair expert, active hobby, experiential psychotherapist, and friends. She needs all the advocates she can get that empower her to be her own greatest advocate. Quote by Katherine Linscott, LMFT. End ID]